Well, if it doesn't rain, it doesn't pour. But that's not what can be said for this week. I learned what a harrowing experience an hour rideto and from work can really be like. I also learned to adjust my wake up time to 4:30 am on mornings like this. Let's just say that God taught me that a lot of storms aren't th ones on the outside that we have to worry about. It is the ones of the heart that can catch us off guard and make us question why are we doing things.
This happened for me this week. I can actually say that I have worked into a routine in less than three weeks. It all kind of got thrown into a spin mid day on Friday when I found out tw of my students had been arrested and wouldn't be coming back. It threw mw off kilter. I set my mind on teaching and worked through the day. But after work, I sat at my desk wondering if actually being there in that classroom would have an effect for these kids. I know that several said they love history class with me. Especially, after we switched all the kids schedules this week again.
My friends Tammy and Michele reminded me that I can't save them all. They had other teachers who were good before they met me and it still hadn't prevented the life choice they made. They reminded me though that the rewards are bountiful for those that we do manage to encourage and keep working on to their future. Then my daughter happened t bump into Mrs. Atwood a former teacher of my kids and friend of the family's. Kris told her about my heart break. Mrs. Atwood told her to tell me that, if I continue on and just happen to be in teaching for six or seven years I would one day get a student who returns most likely and tell me that I was the reason they showed up every day. Then I would realize the what I did made a difference.
I know that when I worked in special education their were always rewards each day. They came from students who realized they could succeed, teachers who gave me new insight, administrators who fund a way to get something a child needed, or parents who accepted or realized something new that could help their child. The battles in special education are easier because a problem is found or recognized.
It's little different when your not in those type situations. The battles are harder in general education where the problem may be known, but their is no solution or ability to get assistance for the student. Sometimes even with that assistance the student will not make changes. I love what I do. Even with the students that go to jail, get suspended, choose to stay home hoping to be sent to the alternative school because of it, and even the parents who assist their students in their low goals. I do love what I do. So unfortunately, I have to learn to deal with the storms even when they are not seeable or when I have no power. Then i have to get on my hands and knees and ask God to take the problem. No wonder teachers bow their heads so much!
You can't save them all is correct. You can only save the ones who WANT to be saved and even then it's not a 100% guarantee. The situations our kids live in and must survive don't make it easy for them. When they get locked up, it throws a wrench into our efforts to save the world. But at the same time it finds some of the lost--those who need supervision b/c they are raising themselves. Yeah a PO isn't the ideal, but for some it is needed to give them some guidance that we don't have the ability to do as teachers. We are NOT superhuman although it feels like we should be. (Heck, I don't mind NOT being superhuman, but I want a time-turner, dammit...)
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